I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
