I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
