I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
