New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize