So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
