My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Sacagawea was the original milf.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
