I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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