my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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