I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
