Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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