My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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