Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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