i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so let's talk penis.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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