Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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