I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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