I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
