Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
