OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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