It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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