yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
