I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
