it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
