That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
