You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize