After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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