please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
