Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
