I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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