Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
