one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Ketchup is God's man juice
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
