i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
