We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
