I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
