i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
