Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
