Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
