Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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