There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize