You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Randomize
