i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
