The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
