This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
