I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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