shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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