i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
