my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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