I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
