Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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