oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
