When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
