I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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