There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
