he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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