man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
