Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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