Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize