I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
