Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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