i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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