I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
