I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
