I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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