he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
