you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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