are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
