So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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